Ten Things I Know to Be True

Inspired by the wonderful poet Sarah Kay and her TED Talk, "If I Should Have a Daughter."

Ten Things I Know to be True

1) I deeply struggle with giving grace to other people.

2) My husband would do anything in the world for me, and I am unimaginably lucky to be his wife.

3) In a large group of women, I will almost always feel inadequate in some way.

4) Traveling alone makes me feel most capable of my own potential to navigate my life on my own terms.

5) Television commercials are intensely insulting to the intelligence of the viewers who understand how pedantic the commercials truly are.

6) A good doctor will let you cry and scream when it's necessary.  A great doctor won't make you feel guilty for having a nonexistent emotional filter.

7) New office supplies will make you feel like you can take on the world, one well constructed plan at a time.

8) You don't always have great options, but you always have a choice.

9) Most people are terrible listeners.

10) Few things are as blissful as a good night's sleep, a big cozy hug, or a seat on a bench in the perfect mix of sunlight and shade.

...what ten things do you know to be true?

Love and light,

Alyssa

Our Wedding: Photography Preview

Happy Wednesday to you lovely people!  I am currently reeling (in the best possible way) over the wedding photos that we just received from our awesome photographers, hot metal studio.  I received an email from Tiffany yesterday with instructions on how to access our online gallery while we wait for the flash drive of images to come in the mail.

And oh my goodness, are the photos amazing.  

I wanted to share a small preview of them today (is it Wedding Wednesday, then?) and some more blog posts in the future of all the wonderful images.  I can look at the photos all day, but I'm a little bit biased.  Maybe you also enjoy looking at gorgeous fairytale loveliness.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Too Many Hats

If you did all of the things that you've wanted to do, would you feel like you'd be spreading yourself too thin?  Or do you already feel like you're spread too thin between all of your daily activities?

How do you make sure that you take care of yourself, in the midst of all the things that you have to do for others?  Do you have that kind of time, or do you feel like there's not enough time to do the things that recharge you?

Been there, done that.  And I've decided I'm done with it.  I took care of that by taking care of myself and changing career tracks from something that I was actually really good at and really liked but where I was not appreciated or valued, to something that I am refining with new skills that I'm learning on the job where I feel very valued and like I'm part of a small flower SWAT team.  In the best way.  And with dahlias.

If I could wear all of the hats, I would wear all of the hats.  If I could have been a middle school teacher and a florist at the same time, I might have tried to do it.  Logistically, it was impossible to do so.  Let's examine the schedules of both of those jobs for a moment so you can see exactly why.  Since today is Friday, we're going to look at a Friday schedule for both jobs, from my experience.

I should note that I am not the owner of the flower shop, or even a seasoned employee with additional responsibilities.  I am at the bottom of the chain, and still learning about what we do there.  If I were the owner of the shop, my schedule would look different.  If I were only a freelance florist, the schedule would look different.  But I'm talking about what is happening to me now, as an assistant designer in a flower shop.

Teacher: Get up at 5:30am.  Be on the road to your school at 6:00am.  Arrive at school at 6:45am, because if the building is empty, you can get more work done before work actually starts.  Be downstairs for breakfast duty to cover for someone who is late at 7:20am.  Students arrive at 7:25am. Be with students all day, since you don't have your own classroom.  Teach, of course, but the details of that aren't important for this post right now.  Pick up students from their last class for PM homeroom at ~3:40pm.  Stay in PM homeroom for an inordinately long amount of time, for what it entails.  Proctor dismissal (mayhem) for ~20 minutes.  Staff is permitted to leave at 4:15pm.  Sit in rush hour traffic from New Jersey to Philadelphia for over an hour.  Get home anytime between 5:30 and 6:00pm.  Feel tired, sad, ineffective, unappreciated, and like you're a bad fiancée to your sweet man who made dinner for you, because you haven't got the energy to do anything fun ever, or stay awake during a movie.  Worry all weekend about things that you still need to do, despite using time effectively all week.  It's never enough time anyway.

Florist: Get up at ~5:30am, because husband likes to go to work early still.  See him off to work, and eat breakfast after he leaves around 6:10am.  Pack lunch for the day.  Prep food for dinner, or even cook parts of dinner so it's ready for later.  Some days, make muffins, bread, or something else after breakfast.  Arrive at work at 10:00am.  Put out inventory for the shop, check the communications log for any notes from my boss, check for any orders that need to be delivered today.  Process any flowers that came in overnight, chop and drop them and then process them an hour later.  If no orders came in, work on various projects for events this weekend that still need completed, such as personal flowers for the bridal party.  Everyone stops for lunch around 1:00pm.  We sit down, we eat food together, and we relax for a little bit.  It's important for us to take a break so we are ready for the rest of the day.  We tackle the rest of event and shop duties until 6:00pm.  There may be deliveries before then, pickups throughout the day for Friday weddings, and drop-offs after then.  This provides an opportunity to work overtime on event days.  Living 3.4 miles from the shop lets me get home in 10 minutes.  I eat dinner with my husband, and we read or talk, make grocery lists, watch a movie, play with our cats.

See the difference?  And this is why doing both is impossible.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Being a Highly Sensitive Person

In my quest to read as much as possible this summer, I've been downloading book previews several times per week onto my kindle.  I love the preview feature, so I can make better decisions about purchasing books, and so I can try texts out without committing to the whole thing.  The preview feature also gives me the chance to have a pretty large "to read" list right on my device.

One book that I read this summer (and plan to re-read soon) is The Highly Sensitive Person.  What does highly sensitive mean, you wonder?  A highly sensitive person has a very responsive nervous system, notices subtleties in their surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed by a highly stimulating environment.  Let's break this down a bit.

According to the book's author, Dr. Elaine N. Aron, there are several misconceptions about highly sensitive people.  From her website, here's an excerpt.

Dr. Aron explains that in the past HSPs have been called “shy,” “timid,” “inhibited,” or “introverted,” but these labels completely miss the nature of the trait. Thirty percent of HSPs are actually extraverts. HSPs only appear inhibited because they are so aware of all the possibilities in a situation. They pause before acting, reflecting on their past experiences. If these were mostly bad experiences, then yes, they will be truly shy. But in a culture that prefers confident, “bold” extraverts, it is harmful as well as mistaken to stigmatize all HSPs as shy when many are not. In The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Aron reframes these stereotyping words and their common application to the HSP in a more positive light and helps HSPs use and view these aspects of their personality as strengths rather than weaknesses. 

This is not to say that all HSPs are introverts, or that they cannot be extraverts.  More than anything else, it seems that what constitutes a person as being a HSP is an incredibly analytical mind and a strong perception for the feelings and the effects of stimuli on self and others.

What this basically means is that as a HSP, I'm constantly noticing things that are happening around me, and how those things happening around me affect the other folks in the room.  It means that I tend to feel emotions at a higher level, and that I can emotionally read others pretty well.

In my previous job, this was a recipe for disaster, as I was also extremely driven to be an all-star at my job.  It meant I was constantly being bombarded with the noises from other rooms, jolted by people yelling, and feeling extremely uncomfortable about it.  It also means that I noticed the emotions of my students and how they were reacting to their peers and surroundings.  It meant that I knew what needed to be changed (in my humble opinion), but lacking the ability to do so, was distraught.  Feeling and noticing these things was literally constant, for the entire day, as I shared a room and was basically in charge of my homeroom as well.  I needed time alone to recharge after being the main facilitator, and I was unable to get that in any convenient form.  It was also challenging to understand the emotions of others, and notice the limited regard that other people had for those feelings.

I kind of enjoy talking about introversion/extraversion and emotional perceptions of people.

If you're interested in learning more about HSPs, check out the preview of the book (you can download a free Kindle app from Amazon to read previews and any books you purchase).

Love and light,

Alyssa

Leaving, Two Places

As most of you know.  I was off getting married to the handsome man in the picture above.  We'd been engaged for almost 4 years by the wedding date, and living together through moves/grad school/relocations for longer than that.  Things have changed, and things have not changed.  But, it is a sweet thing to be able to call him my husband now.

Our lovely wedding (which I'll share more photos of soon) is the main reason why I have been so absent.  Social media and the internet was the first thing that I left, albeit for a short time.  While I was away, we were spending a short time in a majestic old-growth forest in western Pennsylvania, and we are so excited to return, hopefully soon.  If you are in need of a getaway, look no further than Cook Forest State Park.  Perhaps a post about our forest accommodations will appear on the blog.

The second thing that I left was my teaching job.  I know I've told you all about my qualms with my job before.  My reasons for leaving deserve a blog post all their own.  Perhaps that post will appear as well.  I know that I don't owe anyone a justification of why I left my job, except for my sweet husband (though he's been the eyewitness to my distress for the past two years, and this change was hardly a surprise).  But in the spirit of transparency, I think I'd like to share my rationale soon.

What I can tell you right now, is that I've taken a new job with a local flower shop.  My first day is today and I'm sure I will have a lot to say in the next coming days, but what I can tell you right now is the following; I feel more valued in my interactions with my new employer (who I've known for only 4 weeks) than I did in my two years as a member of instructional staff.  This isn't to say that old coworkers/supervisors didn't EVER make me feel valued, but this is an amalgamation of the objective data that my mind has gathered.  Take it for what it's worth.  

Wish me luck, and if you're interested in following along, I'll be here.

Love and light,

Alyssa