When I Am Ready, I'll Know

Let's get ready to ramble.

Feelings of inadequacy are really hard to get rid of.  The worst thing about those feelings are that they're kind of self imposed at this point.  I look at the those folks who have attained some level of notoriety in the design and floral community, and I think, "They're about 30 years old.  What do I need to do to get to that point in five years?"

I talked about this with my boss on Sunday, when the two of us banged out one wedding in the morning for that afternoon.  She is one of the most real embodiments of the notion that if you put a lot of positivity and generosity into the world around you, it'll come back to you tenfold.  She's a great role model in that sense.  I shared my thoughts with her, and she completely understood where I was coming from - no matter who you are or how successful you've been, it's hard to push away the negative self talk sometimes.

She said that it's a matter of deciding what you really want in life.  What is really important for you, and your definition of success.  And how it fits in with the rest of the things that you want in life.  

I think the hard part for me right now is that I can't imagine having anything more in life than what I already have.  I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am right now.  Aside from student loans being the worst thing ever, I have what I need.  I was able to make a change in career while making minor lifestyle changes.  I married my best friend.  He is healthy.  I am healthy.  We want for nothing.

So what do I want in the future?  I don't know if I want to have kids, I don't know where we want to live, I don't know if I want to open a brick and mortar flower shop, and I don't know what changes are just going to get thrown at us out of nowhere, out of life itself.

Today I'll be working through some of the information that I received at Making Things Happen as an attendee back in April.  If you're interested at gaining some clarity into yourself, check out this link to go along with me.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Favorite Wedding Photos

As a gratuitous posting on a Friday, I give you my favorite wedding images from our wonderful day.

We've also been married for two months now, which makes this pretty appropriate.

I know that most bloggers do some sort of series of wedding images categorically, but I kind of fell out of habit on that.  So, here are the best ones of the 902 images that we received back.  All photo credit goes to hot metal studio.  They are amazing.  Astounding.  Hire them for your day of celebration.  You will not regret it.

The above photo was taken during the first look.  It was such a fun part of our day.

I can't get over my bouquet.  Amazingly gorgeous.  

I think I may love our wedding florals even more than my gown.

Our venue was so beautiful.  It was the only place we even looked at.  We just kind of shrugged after our tour and figured that we couldn't do any better, because it was perfect for us.

Our toasting flutes were Chris' pick for the wedding.  

I think they went with the decor of the venue so well.  Chris hardly ever likes such fancy things!

I made the place cards above, and they turned out so well!  The lavender smelled great, too.

He's adorable.  Smelling the roses is important business.

We do crying and cuteness really well here.

Can we just marvel at our arbor for a moment?  And those roses?  Gah.

We made our own hand fasting cords for our wedding.  

They are beautiful and I am so grateful for this photo of them.

The dessert table.  Oh yeah.

Who else out there took their shoes off at some point on their wedding day?

But I can't wait to wear them again.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Carry On

Sigh.

Between working at the flower shop (I opened the store all by myself yesterday!) and doing fun things in my personal life, like cooking delicious soup and relaxing with my husband, it's been a good time around here of late.

Despite all the goodness, I've been feeling either stagnant or deterred in the journey to one day being a florist under my own management.  I suppose the stagnant feeling can stem from routine, any routine.  But I like routine.  It just takes me a moment to remind myself that the routine of my hours at the flower shop is important to my growth as a florist and as a future business owner.  And then I instantly remember why I made the change.  And I'm happy again.

Deterred.  This one came on big time the other day.

After I quit my teaching job, I went on one other teaching interview.  I did this to just give it a go, and to appease several friends who were still pulling for me to stay in the classroom.  They made great arguments about why I should stay in education, and I truly see where they are coming from.  So, off to the interview I went.

In short, I did not receive an offer for that job, due to politics between charter schools.  But they still to this date need a teacher.  So they've been courting me to take a job with them.  While their interest in me is kind of flattering, I will be sending their CEO an email today stating while the offer is competitive, I will not be taking the job.

Normally, I wouldn't really care about turning down a job offer.  I have a job, and having two full-time jobs wouldn't work in this situation.  I left teaching for a reason.  But the hard part in this, is that it feels like the offering school is trying to stomp their feet all over my happiness in my current place.

In our conversation (I'm really way too accommodating - I shouldn't have agreed to talk to them yet again.), they attempted to sway me with a big salary, benefits, and other "perks" to the teaching job.  One of these being a cell phone to be reached at.  Presumably any time.  No.  Thanks.

I was told over and over again of the great purpose that the CEO felt in working with students.  Of the groundbreaking change that is the result of teaching.  And of how I could join with them and do that noble work.

But is the work I'm doing now so self-indulgent and petty?

I'm trying to achieve a dream.  I'm learning about small business ownership and about plants and flowers.  I'm happier than I've been in two years.  I'm helping to make someone's wedding day/birthday/just-because-day beautiful.  I'm effectively helping to make magic happen, as in the case of a seven wedding weekend we just pulled off.

In the end, nobody can force me to do anything I don't want to do.  But I suppose that my thick skin will just have to toughen up some more.  I am not apologizing for my choices.  Mostly because it wouldn't change anyone's mind anyway, but also because my happiness and well-being is essential to my life.  And since I only get to do this once, I'm going to choose the best way for me and my family.

And that is with flowers.  Always, with flowers.



Love and light,

Alyssa