Feelings of inadequacy are really hard to get rid of. The worst thing about those feelings are that they're kind of self imposed at this point. I look at the those folks who have attained some level of notoriety in the design and floral community, and I think, "They're about 30 years old. What do I need to do to get to that point in five years?"
I talked about this with my boss on Sunday, when the two of us banged out one wedding in the morning for that afternoon. She is one of the most real embodiments of the notion that if you put a lot of positivity and generosity into the world around you, it'll come back to you tenfold. She's a great role model in that sense. I shared my thoughts with her, and she completely understood where I was coming from - no matter who you are or how successful you've been, it's hard to push away the negative self talk sometimes.
She said that it's a matter of deciding what you really want in life. What is really important for you, and your definition of success. And how it fits in with the rest of the things that you want in life.
I think the hard part for me right now is that I can't imagine having anything more in life than what I already have. I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am right now. Aside from student loans being the worst thing ever, I have what I need. I was able to make a change in career while making minor lifestyle changes. I married my best friend. He is healthy. I am healthy. We want for nothing.
So what do I want in the future? I don't know if I want to have kids, I don't know where we want to live, I don't know if I want to open a brick and mortar flower shop, and I don't know what changes are just going to get thrown at us out of nowhere, out of life itself.
Today I'll be working through some of the information that I received at Making Things Happen as an attendee back in April. If you're interested at gaining some clarity into yourself, check out this link to go along with me.
Love and light,
Alyssa
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