Where I've Been and Lessons in Self Care

I'm back.  I didn't post for all of October.  I'll say that the story today starts with back pain, and lots of it.

My x-ray photo above is from 2009.  I have scoliosis, and while it was not severe enough to warrant any medical care 5 or 6 years ago, you can clearly see that the health of my spine is pretty compromised.  You can also see that my shoulders in the x-ray are not set squarely over my hips.

The consequences of having even a minor spinal curvature can be pretty detrimental to everyday life and activities.  This is where the story starts today.

Driving an hour to work and back each day for the past two years definitely took a toll on my back.  That was apparent during that time, but I didn't really start to feel any pain until late September.  I was waking up with severe back and chest pain, feeling a limited range of motion, and I couldn't do anything to help it.  I didn't like to take any over the counter pain meds, just because more damage can be done to areas in pain when you can't feel the pain.  But I didn't have a clear solution for what to do about the pain itself, or how to make it go away.  I also felt sad that I had let it happen for so long, and not done anything about it.  Why bother now?

Enter, my boss and coworkers.

Our shop happens to be located next door to a chiropractor's office.  While I had never been to a chiropractor, Chris has been before, and loved it.  This was years ago, before I met him.  Nobody in my life had ever suggested going to a chiropractor for help, and I never really explored it as an option,  But there came a day where I was having trouble just standing.  It hurt a lot, to say the least.  I was desperate, and told to just go next door, that he'd fit me in and to take my time coming back.

And it was awesome.  I go for an adjustment once a week, and am completely pain and discomfort free.  The nerves in my spine were being crunched, and my muscles and organs were (and kind of still are) out of whack.  But it's better and doesn't hurt anymore.  And it's amazing.

Self-care.  It's important.  And it's important to maintain.  It's not necessarily enough to leave a situation that makes you unhappy.  Sometimes there are other things you've been ignoring, and other areas of your life that are also unhealthy, but in a more covert way than not eating enough vegetables.  I ignored an uncomfortable medical issue, very successfully, for two years.  Two years!  But I had learned to ignore it, and just be complacent in it.

Not long after going to the chiropractor, I went to the dentist.  And what an adventure that was.

I am not a fan of the dentist.  As a child, I had a bad experience with a dental hygienist, and I still feel nervous about getting my teeth cleaned.  As it turns out, I had three cavities.  Ugh.  Not what I was hoping for, for my dental situation and wallet.  Yet another area I had been neglecting.  But I do not want to repeat it, so my habits have changed.

There are some other changes we've made here too, but I mostly just wanted to talk about where I've been.  But I am really happy that I feel like writing again!  I'm not even sure who reads this, but I appreciate it regardless.

Take care of yourself today.  I think that's what I'm getting at.  Take care of yourself today and every day.

Love and light,

Alyssa

When I Am Ready, I'll Know

Let's get ready to ramble.

Feelings of inadequacy are really hard to get rid of.  The worst thing about those feelings are that they're kind of self imposed at this point.  I look at the those folks who have attained some level of notoriety in the design and floral community, and I think, "They're about 30 years old.  What do I need to do to get to that point in five years?"

I talked about this with my boss on Sunday, when the two of us banged out one wedding in the morning for that afternoon.  She is one of the most real embodiments of the notion that if you put a lot of positivity and generosity into the world around you, it'll come back to you tenfold.  She's a great role model in that sense.  I shared my thoughts with her, and she completely understood where I was coming from - no matter who you are or how successful you've been, it's hard to push away the negative self talk sometimes.

She said that it's a matter of deciding what you really want in life.  What is really important for you, and your definition of success.  And how it fits in with the rest of the things that you want in life.  

I think the hard part for me right now is that I can't imagine having anything more in life than what I already have.  I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am right now.  Aside from student loans being the worst thing ever, I have what I need.  I was able to make a change in career while making minor lifestyle changes.  I married my best friend.  He is healthy.  I am healthy.  We want for nothing.

So what do I want in the future?  I don't know if I want to have kids, I don't know where we want to live, I don't know if I want to open a brick and mortar flower shop, and I don't know what changes are just going to get thrown at us out of nowhere, out of life itself.

Today I'll be working through some of the information that I received at Making Things Happen as an attendee back in April.  If you're interested at gaining some clarity into yourself, check out this link to go along with me.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Favorite Wedding Photos

As a gratuitous posting on a Friday, I give you my favorite wedding images from our wonderful day.

We've also been married for two months now, which makes this pretty appropriate.

I know that most bloggers do some sort of series of wedding images categorically, but I kind of fell out of habit on that.  So, here are the best ones of the 902 images that we received back.  All photo credit goes to hot metal studio.  They are amazing.  Astounding.  Hire them for your day of celebration.  You will not regret it.

The above photo was taken during the first look.  It was such a fun part of our day.

I can't get over my bouquet.  Amazingly gorgeous.  

I think I may love our wedding florals even more than my gown.

Our venue was so beautiful.  It was the only place we even looked at.  We just kind of shrugged after our tour and figured that we couldn't do any better, because it was perfect for us.

Our toasting flutes were Chris' pick for the wedding.  

I think they went with the decor of the venue so well.  Chris hardly ever likes such fancy things!

I made the place cards above, and they turned out so well!  The lavender smelled great, too.

He's adorable.  Smelling the roses is important business.

We do crying and cuteness really well here.

Can we just marvel at our arbor for a moment?  And those roses?  Gah.

We made our own hand fasting cords for our wedding.  

They are beautiful and I am so grateful for this photo of them.

The dessert table.  Oh yeah.

Who else out there took their shoes off at some point on their wedding day?

But I can't wait to wear them again.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Carry On

Sigh.

Between working at the flower shop (I opened the store all by myself yesterday!) and doing fun things in my personal life, like cooking delicious soup and relaxing with my husband, it's been a good time around here of late.

Despite all the goodness, I've been feeling either stagnant or deterred in the journey to one day being a florist under my own management.  I suppose the stagnant feeling can stem from routine, any routine.  But I like routine.  It just takes me a moment to remind myself that the routine of my hours at the flower shop is important to my growth as a florist and as a future business owner.  And then I instantly remember why I made the change.  And I'm happy again.

Deterred.  This one came on big time the other day.

After I quit my teaching job, I went on one other teaching interview.  I did this to just give it a go, and to appease several friends who were still pulling for me to stay in the classroom.  They made great arguments about why I should stay in education, and I truly see where they are coming from.  So, off to the interview I went.

In short, I did not receive an offer for that job, due to politics between charter schools.  But they still to this date need a teacher.  So they've been courting me to take a job with them.  While their interest in me is kind of flattering, I will be sending their CEO an email today stating while the offer is competitive, I will not be taking the job.

Normally, I wouldn't really care about turning down a job offer.  I have a job, and having two full-time jobs wouldn't work in this situation.  I left teaching for a reason.  But the hard part in this, is that it feels like the offering school is trying to stomp their feet all over my happiness in my current place.

In our conversation (I'm really way too accommodating - I shouldn't have agreed to talk to them yet again.), they attempted to sway me with a big salary, benefits, and other "perks" to the teaching job.  One of these being a cell phone to be reached at.  Presumably any time.  No.  Thanks.

I was told over and over again of the great purpose that the CEO felt in working with students.  Of the groundbreaking change that is the result of teaching.  And of how I could join with them and do that noble work.

But is the work I'm doing now so self-indulgent and petty?

I'm trying to achieve a dream.  I'm learning about small business ownership and about plants and flowers.  I'm happier than I've been in two years.  I'm helping to make someone's wedding day/birthday/just-because-day beautiful.  I'm effectively helping to make magic happen, as in the case of a seven wedding weekend we just pulled off.

In the end, nobody can force me to do anything I don't want to do.  But I suppose that my thick skin will just have to toughen up some more.  I am not apologizing for my choices.  Mostly because it wouldn't change anyone's mind anyway, but also because my happiness and well-being is essential to my life.  And since I only get to do this once, I'm going to choose the best way for me and my family.

And that is with flowers.  Always, with flowers.



Love and light,

Alyssa

URBN Freelance Flowers

On Sunday night, I was texted by my boss at the shop.  She had heard of a freelance floral gig for the next day.  Monday happens to be my day off, and I was really excited that she had heard of an opportunity that would work for my schedule.

Freelancing is a really good opportunity to interact with other folks in the floral design field who are interested in collaborating and working on projects.  It's also a great way to build contacts and meet people who need florists from time to time, who might call you again.

The freelance position was to design and create several floral designs to accent the different vignettes in an URBN department store, including the brands Anthropologie, Terrain, and BHLDN.

Yes, I said an URBN department store.

The warehouse was at the Navy Yard here in Philly, where the URBN headquarters is located.  In this particular warehouse, the interior was transformed into a fusion of the three aforementioned brands.  The exterior was set up largely for Terrain, and the patio was decorated for a dinner for investors.  On Tuesday, investors in the project were to have dinner, and see what the store looked like in person.

From what I gather, this was the "pilot" for the department store.  The current freestanding BHLDN stores in Chicago, Houston, and other locations, will still exist, but there won't be any new freestanding BHLDN stores.  They'll be incorporated as a boutique section in Anthropologie stores.  The Terrain component included kitchenware and functional items for entertaining.

There was also a blow-dry bar.

Perfume counter.  Such loveliness.

The above arrangement (and two little ones on the left) were in the BHLDN loft.  This was my favorite to make for sure.

Can Chris and I get married every year?  I'd love to stockpile these beauties.

Confession: I touched everything.  I love the feel of really fine and luscious fancy fabric, 

so naturally, my hands were on everything.  I couldn't help it.  

And each dress was silkier and more ethereal than the next.

The quality of the above photos isn't the best.  In the shoe department, the lighting was a little trickier to use well.  

But the large, sprawling setup of bud vases was very fun to work with.

In the Terrain section, we went for a farm stand kind of feeling, using tons of bouquets in the galvanized tin buckets, with mini arrangements in the green glass goblets at the top.

I completely loved working my first freelance opportunity.  How could I not enjoy it, in such a beautiful setting?  The folks that I was working with were kind and had a clear vision, and didn't mind the questions that I asked throughout the day.  I really strive to complete the vision that a bride or a designer has for their space, and I think that I worked really well with the team at Building 17 on Monday.  

Here's to hoping that this becomes a regular occurrence!

Love and light,

Alyssa

Ten Things I Never Want to Do

The lily pads at Longwood Gardens are amazing and wondrous.

Ten Things I Never Want to Do

1) Complain about house renovations/changes/expenses.  When Chris and I are fortunate enough to purchase a house and land, we'll be among those who are lucky enough to purchase a home.  That in itself is a huge dream for us.  The fact that other folks complain relentlessly about home renovations and how irritating those upgrades are does not change the fact that they are incredibly lucky to have said home to renovate and make their own.  We will never be so ungrateful.  That construction dust is truly a lucky thing.

2) Wear white pants.  They just aren't for me.

3) Have minor surgery at the podiatrist again.  Most painful thing I've ever experienced.  However, he was an excellent podiatrist.  If you need a recommendation, I have the hook up.

4) Forget to buy toilet paper.  

5)  Be involved in a car accident.  They seem preventable, for the most part.  This isn't always the case, but this is the reason why I am a careful and attentive driver.

6)  Take what I have for granted.  This includes clean drinking water, my pets, my husband, and my family and friends. 

7)  Opt out of renewing my AAA membership.

8)  Forget that I am a person of value.

9)  Pass up the chance to hold a baby.

10)  Pass up the chance to eat another slice of pecan pie.  Or another cookie.  Or any homemade thing.

Love and light,

Alyssa

Is Marriage Really All That Difficult?

To answer the title of this post, I suppose the answer is a resounding "no."  And truly, it's not.  All you truly have to do to be married is sign some paperwork, and then mail or hand in the paperwork to the nice man at the desk of the Register of Wills at City Hall.  Or whatever municipal building is relevant to your place of residence.

All over the internet, especially on other blogs of newlyweds, I've noticed a trend of people stating that marriage is so difficult, in a seemingly surprised way.  Or, they're simply repeating a sentiment told to them by a well-meaning relative or acquaintance, usually followed by some sort of advice from that person, such as the never-go-to-bed-angry trope.  (My unsolicited advice?  Eat something with some protein, like a PB&J.  Or just go to bed angry.  You are probably tired or hungry.)

I don't think it's that difficult.  And I'm definitely not seeing my husband (or the world, for that matter) through the rose tinted spectacles from newlywed land.  We were engaged for four years, and together for two years before that.  The new-ness has been worn off for quite some time.  And I'm hoping that this is the case for lots of people.  The act and idea of being a couple, being together, should not be a novel feeling upon signing that marriage license.  Yes, the titles have changed a bit, but assuming that you've been together for a bit of time, there's nothing all that new about your coupledom.  Not really, anyway.

And I love marriage!  It totally rocks.  Being able to be Mrs. Rainville is super cool, and getting a discount on my car insurance is pretty neat.  The joint checking account is practical, and we still do the same things all the time.  I bake cookies, Chris makes awesome chicken pot pie.  He feeds the cats in the morning, and I try to figure out how to sign my new name, still being thrown off by the capital R of my last name where there used to be a Y.

I'm thinking that the main issues that make marriage "difficult" are communication and/or feelings.  When I say feelings, I mean the way that people are blinded by emotion when they take things personally which are not actually intended as an attack on their personality, character, or general self.

Communication is something that Chris and I pride ourselves on, and it has been instrumental in our relationship since the beginning.  Say what you are thinking, and think (or talk) about why you are thinking it.  Analyze what you are feeling.  Analyze why you want something, or why you want something to happen.  Is it true, or is your perspective just skewed?  Are you being selfish?  Are you ignoring how your significant other is feeling?  Are you being mean or insensitive?

Read body language.  This might look different for everyone out there, but I'm willing to bet that if you've been together for awhile, you can tell when something is off because of how your person is carrying themselves.  If you aren't sure, start reading that body language now!  Ask questions.  Ask how they're feeling.  Talk about feelings.  If that's hard, start small.

Any thoughts from folks out there?  Is marriage really all that difficult for you?

Love and light,

Alyssa

Ten Life Changing Books

I was tagged by a friend on Facebook almost two weeks ago to post ten books that have been influential in my life in some way.  I thought I'd post it here, so I would have more space to write.

1) Seven by Jen Hatmaker

• The author discusses her experimental simplification of seven different areas of her life.  A motivating study in stuff and excess and the ability to be happier with less.

2) Over-Dressed by Elizabeth L. Cline

• Where does our clothing come from?  Who makes it?  Are they treated fairly?  This book coupled with Seven will motivate you to change your consumption habits for the good of yourself and others.

3) The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly

• A young boy must make a real journey through stories that he has read in his beloved books.  The characters can be awful but still deserve pity, and nobody has to be what they seem they are.

4) The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

• A work of fiction.  But it's truly a cautionary tale of how women can be used as chattel.  Makes me want to volunteer again in support of women's rights.

5) The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck, M.D.

• A wonderful secular look into the psychology of love and spirituality.  Kind of a self-help book, good for analyzing ones self and relationships.

6) The Selection series by Keira Cass

• A light dystopian fiction series for teens.  But awesome nonetheless.  Thirty-five young women are selected in a competition to leave their current caste for a life of royalty.  How are they selected?  And do they have what it takes to become queen?

7) Dubliners by James Joyce

• Quite possibly my favorite reading that was ever school assigned.  Short stories that enlighten us to the differences in the lives of those in Dublin, in the world of James Joyce.

8) Othello by William Shakespeare

• One of my favorite Shakespearean plays.  Followed closely by King Lear.  I took a class that focused on Shakespeare while at Penn State, and it was taught by one of the most wonderful professors that I ever had.  He was a kindhearted and jovial older man, and had the most pleasant attitude at all times.  His love for Shakespeare's work was apparent, and it was a joy to learn from him.

9) Quiet by Susan Cain

• I was told many times as a child that I was too sensitive.  As an adult, perceived as standoffish with resting bitchface.  I'm just introverted.

10) ...what should I read next?

Love and light,

Alyssa

Currently, 9.8.14

A flower delivery from work the other week.  So much wonderful.

thinking:  What am I going to do today?  Having Mondays off of work is strange.  But for now, I like it.

drinking:  Freshly brewed coffee, made with our fancy Chemex.  Also water.  Always water.

reading:  I just finished A Dance with Dragons and Me Before You.  I think that the former was the best book in the Song of Ice and Fire series, and that the latter was a wonderful account of respecting the difficult choices that other people make.

wanting: Another slice of the pecan pie that I just ate for breakfast.  But, perhaps something more nutritious would be better.  There'll always be pie later.

looking:  At wedding pictures!  It is just so much fun to look back and see what a glorious day it was.

liking:  The possibility of today.  I could do anything!  I do know that I'll be going to the store to possibly exchange a pair of shoes for a bigger size.  Other than that, I could do anything I want.

anticipating:  How a yoga class today might be.  I'm thinking of going because my back has been acting up, and some stretching might help.  Scoliosis can be really annoying sometimes.

wondering:  Where all the lifestyle and home publications are that talk about studio apartments, dim brown carpet, and the plight of only having one window (that faces a parking lot).  So much for the gorgeous natural sunlight that everyone else in the world seems to be getting!  It is interesting examining where you live and how you live there.  

learning:  Pretty things sell.

loving:  Our kitchen full of food.  I am so thankful and happy every time we come back from the grocery store, with the ability to fill our fridge and cupboards with good, healthy food that we enjoy together.  I never want to take our privilege here for granted.  

hoping:  That I can eventually decide on how to spend an Etsy gift card that a sweet friend gave us at our wedding.  Chris gave me the go-ahead to spend it on something, but I still can't decide.

noticing:  Lots of people buy houses while engaged or right after getting married.  Who can afford that?!  Seriously.

feeling:  Content.

Love and light,

Alyssa